braindump 3

113 un read emails uhhh i dont want to go through them,,, but if i dont ill die,,, but i dont want to look at my laptop or anything right now. and EVERYTHING HURTS!! my brain and my body. a day ago (wednesday) i started something that i will now call the everything book. i do everything in it (draw, summarise day, reminders, important info etc etc...) i like it a lot and it is helping a lot i think especially with everything being stressful right now

it kind of feels like there is a constant pressure in my skull and i hate it because usually during that i am unable to really do anything work related. i can't tell if i'm brain fogged or burnt out

or maybe its my brain realising the reality of my situation right now

i wish i could stop time and spend forever doing little doodles and stuff in my everything book.

i also wish i could just be not human right now,, every day im closer to moving out of said situation but the closer i get the more terrified i feel.

i also also wish i could spend time with my wife but she is busy a lot of the time,, i hope she appreciates the cat videos i send her,,,

i kind of do not want to be present at this point of time but i am not saying that in a death way, just in an invisible way (i dont want to die and i am very sure of it right now)

ghhhhhhhhhhhh orbification (orbs)

it feels like life is like a sine wave (percieved good percieved bad with seemingly no reasoning to it at all)

thought 14

DREAM BLUNT ROTATION (in no specific order)

doing acid with these people would be fun also

thought 13

one day my laptop screen will display the colors correctly (never)(it will not)

also today i think i am finally 1 month clean from certain substance which i think is awesome,,, yay!

thought 12

its really nice to have your feelings validated and to finally know that you were not faking everything for years,,, today is a win for 14 year old me

thought 11

i feel really bad for putting a price on my music but i very much need it at the moment,, i think £1 should be enough for now + people can still get it for free over on soulseek and h3 music player,, gahh i hate school!!!!!!!!!

thought 10

why must i be reminded of a specific persons existence every single day TT

braindump 2

today i saw cool animals,, for a couple of seconds before things got overwhelming -_- do not ever participate in crowd stuff when majority are normals!!. at least i got to see a really cool millipede, a stickbug,, and my friend holding a leafbug,,, AND LIZZY ZIZZO IN THE FLESH!!!! i got to pet them too.. =w= have some images that i struggled to take in that idiot crowd

thought 9

i read 200 pages then gave up. also today i started therapy and my therapist is cool

thought 8

today i will read homestuck

thought 7

recently i have been hanging out in conejo island like crazy in my second life,, its a very cool place!! i would really like to contribute to the zine and im thinking of maybe doing some music review stuffs i am not entirely sure,, but if people would like to submit songs that would be cool! i think i will start with some of my friend's songs and outbranch from there on!

thought 6

have i said how much i love getting emails to do with my site? cause if i haven't i would like to let you know that i do. its a nice distraction from all the universities omd and other stuff,, if you are scared to email me for whatever reason just know i do not bite!!! i fear i may be seen as intimidating or something like that,,

really this is pertaining to an email i got a few days ago!! being able to know people enjoy my site makes me so happy,,

thought 5

these are my plans for the site before i forget..

thought 4

i am so damn sleepy the world cannot handle me!!!

     (っ ,r

     ヽ ⊂ )
     (⌒) |
        三 `J

  (*・ω・)  Good night・・・
  _| ⊃/(___
/ └-(____/
 ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄


the world cannot fathom how eepy i am,,, im the most cosiest sleepiest person ever

braindump 1

i think that the core to all fears is the fear of the unknown!! so in order to get rid of all your fears, just get rid of your fear of the unknown.. i'm not sure if this applies to others but i did a lot of thinking about my brain and that seems to be it!! i am trying to make myself feel more positive about it,, and if things were to go a way i don't like, i wouldn't really take it so close to heart and just leave it as it is. and also i have a feeling there are more people on earth that are in humanoid vessels but on the inside are anything but that... however i will elaborate on why later!! it kind of sounds idiot but it will make sense.. at least it makes sense to me anyways B] i'm my own brains biggest fan

thought 3

sometimes look through sites in last updated and i find some really cool stuff... until i come across the carrd-esque layouts, right click blocker, syntax from hell, "i have been coding for a few years", "i want to get away from social media" *links social media on the site* websites... i dont think i understand those people

thought 2

perhaps i was right with that last thought.,, anyways todays though is i will revive developing my yakui ghost. i have literally nothing to do and i think i not overcomplicate things this time,, that was the issue i had last time!!

thought 1

i keep thinking to myself "omg i cannot wait until friday i have the time to do things!!!" and then i don't even do anything on the friday night cause i am too pre-occupied with school work.. perhaps this is ultimate method to stay clean

go back?